Joe Dunckel News and Events

This week marks my 31st Anniversary as a stand-up comic. I thought I'd record a little history for my granddaughter. Some day she might read it and know why her Grandpa is (as she likes to put it) "A Nut". Grand Opening: "Leonard Barr and the Classifieds:" It was a week before our club opened and I couldn't believe my eyes. I was looking at my picture on the front page of the Lansing State Journal's "Lansing Scene" entertainment section. The headline read; "Joe Grabs for his Comedy Dream" I was elated that we were awarded the "Scene's" cover and Mike Hughes (the editor) had promised me a follow up article about Leonard Barr the night of our opening. I knew I would only get one chance at a "Grand Opening" so I spent four hundred 1978 dollars for a quarter page advertisement in the Theater Section and also placed this add in the Employment Section of the classifieds. Wanted: Comedians: call 882-7749 or come to the Comedy Castle located in Alex's Restaurant, Taffy's Lounge, Thursday night at 8p.m. After rereading Mike's article ten times and reviewing my ads I was convinced that I had done all that could be done to promote the club and attract a Lansing troupe of rollicking comedic cutups. Without doubt my phone was going to be ringing off the hook. Was I ever full of shit! Three days passed without a call. Not one inquiry. What the hell was going on? Where were all my Lenny Bruces and Mort Sauls? Didn't these people read the newspapers? When I arrived at Taffy's Lounge for our first Thursday night I was surprised to see a large crowd of waiting customers pushing their way towards the doorway of the Comedy Castle's Michigan Ave. entrance. Though delighted with the huge turnout an ugly anxious notion suddenly choked my thoughts. Had any comics signed up? What if I didn't have any performers? Leonard Barr (our headliner) wasn't showing up until the weekend. How the hell was I going to entertain all these paying customers for an hour and a half? I only had ten minutes worth of lousy untested material. An exploding cocoon of gassy butterflies fluttered into my stomach. When I entered the club my good friend and acting door man Bill Diamond greeted me with my worst fear. ONE. One comic had signed up for our first amateur night? "I'm screwed!" "Your not screwed!" Bill excitedly announced. "Your not going to believe it, our signee is none other than the all-state basketball player Brian Ferguson. Do you remember him? I did remember Brian. He was a talented Sexton H.S. hoop star who had been recruited by Michigan State University. Unfortunately, he had blown out his knee during a pick-up game and never played a minute of college ball. Though ten years had passed since his fateful accident his fans still held a nostalgic fondness for his lost Magic Johnson like talents. They always seemed genuinely tickled when they noticed that he was the unexpected driver of their Checkered Yellow Cab. I was thrilled that a local "celebrity" was going to grace our stage on opening night so I went over to Brian and introduced myself as the owner/manager of the Castle. He shook my hand with a sixties style hand grasp and asked me if I knew who Red Foxx was. Yeah, I answered. He tightened the grip on my hand and pushed his face towards mine. I could smell the strong scent of Colt 45 and cigarettes on his breath and his black features blurred as my eyes crossed. "I'm going to be the new Red Foxx." He sneered. "Far Out" I answered. "I love Red Foxx". He released my hand. "I've worked all over." he said "you know what I'm saying? I do parties and country clubs. I've worked everywhere. I'm gonna tear these peoples up." "Cool" I smiled, "How do you want me to introduce you?" He produced from the pocket of his tattered Levi Jacket a neatly typed written introduction. He handed it to me and said. "I need you to read it like it's written. Know what I'm sayin?" Now my Theater management courses in college had taught me that a crowd needs to be in an "Up" mood before any production gets started. That goal could easily be attained by playing just the right "mood" music. I approached Bill (the doorman) and asked if he would serve as the house DJ and off stage announcer. He gave me a broad smile and eagerly agreed. I presented him with my idea. I was going to start the show with the rousing rendition of the Isley's Brothers classic single "Shout" and when the song reached the chorus of "Shout...a little bit softer now" he was to announce my presents unto the stage and then cut the music. He nodded his understanding. The "mood" setting had an immediate effect. As soon as the music started the crowd began to sing and clap along. The Isley's never sounded better. "Shout...a little bit softer now." Right on cue Bill made his announcement. "Ladies and Gentleman Joe Dunckel" I ran unto the stage with the animated enthusiasm of a Wink Martindale and with my cheesy smile I approached the crowd ready to speak. Out of nowhere a giant bald man staggered towards the stage. "Wait a minute" he screamed "SHOUT A LITTLE BIT LOUDER". The audience followed his lead and careened out of control. "SHOUT A LITTLE BIT LOUDER NOW... SHOUT!" I signaled to Bill to cut the music but he could read the terror on my face and turned the volume up. The show hadn't even started yet and I was going down in flames. I could see Bill laughing his ass off. He spotted me staring daggers into him and abruptly cut the music. So much for my mood theory. The audience turned it's attentions towards me. There was a short moment of silent anticipation. Comedy is timing and this was my window of opportunity. The giant bald man struck first. "Hey, you don't look funny" His attack flustered me and I just couldn't pull it together. I heard my voice stammer...Wel, Wel, Welcome to the Camedy Castle" (the audience laughed)"I would like to introduce to you our very first comic. He's an all state basketball star Brian Ferguson." I noticed the glistening beads of sweat dripping from his face as he approached me with his hand extended for a shake. He turned his back to the audience and whispered to me. "Hey fucker, you didn't read my introduction." I lightly brushed his fingers and flew from the stage. Brian spoke into the microphone with a barely audible murmur and his voice quivered out the following joke. "I'm going to show you how to make a story out of a sentence by leaving one word off at a time. Here's the sentence. "Oh Brian, lets not park here." "Oh Brian, lets not park." "Oh Brian, lets not." "Oh Brian, lets." "Oh Brian." "OOOOH!" "Thank You" There was another silent pause and then a roar of laughter. Brian walked off the stage. One hour and twenty eight minutes to go.